Called Into Deathwork
On my 22nd birthday, the City of New Orleans issued a mandatory evacuation order. At the time, I had an apartment just off LSU campus in Baton Rouge, about 90 miles from New Orleans. My college apartment became refuge to 9 family members (ranging from one month to 90 years old) and 4 pets. Every single person who evacuated to my apartment lost their home to Hurricane Katrina’s floodwater.
In the aftermath of Katrina, it was difficult to rebuild immediately but within 6 weeks of the storm, all my family was relocated into more comfortable housing while they rebuilt their homes. All except for my great-aunt Sis, pictured here.
Aunt Sis had always been on the periphery of our family. She’d struggled with mental health and never patrnered or had a career. She lived with me for about 3 months after Katrina as roommates but it quickly became clear that her care needs were greater than I could provide.
Aunt Sis and I navigated the paltry post-Katrina Medicare system to find the resources she needed. Eventually we found her a long-term care facility and we moved her in. She lived in that facility for 13 years.
When the facility nurses called to recommend hospice, we were overwhelmed with excruciating choices. Aunt Sis had expressed basics but because of her mental health challenges, it was difficult to fully discuss her end of life wishes. Suddenly we had decisions to make: Aunt Sis aspirated her food but hated the puréed diet and refused it & the thickened liquids, do we use an IV? Do we take her off the special diet and encourage her to eat the ice cream sundaes she’d loved? Would Aunt Sis want to be kept alive or was quality of life more important to her? Would she be more comfortable in hospital? Did she wish to be resuscitated? Should antibiotics be given? What could we do to make her death feel sacred and her dying space comfortable, even in the sterile facility?
Answering these questions sparked my calling into death work. My death midwifery practice is inspired by her. I hope to spend my life serving others underserved by the systems and the families overwhelmed by them. May my work make her proud.
