Deathwork Ritual

I added a new rock today.

Ritual is a huge part of my death work. To mark the death of anyone that I have companioned, I choose a stone that reminds me of them, write their name and date(s) on it and place it on my altar. I feel fortified by these rocks, grounded and connected to those that have left our earth and reminded of the lessons I learned from them along the way. Each of these rocks is a beautiful soul that I’ve known, witnessed throughout their dying process and released into the hands of Death.

Today’s rock was easy to write. A memorial for a sweet elderly lady, well-loved and cared for at her home, as her long, full life naturally ended. She was surrounded by love, said her goodbyes generously and slipped into death as easily as if she was taking off her too-tight shoes (as Ram Dass suggested). It was a Grace and a blessing to play my small part in her life and the end of it. Choosing the rock was easy, saying goodbye will be sweet and her rock will be light. Not all are and that’s okay too.

I think it is supremely important for deathworkers to mark their grief with ritual and ceremony. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive, just a way to fit our new loss into our old lives to carry it appropriately as we continue on our journeys. I love the metaphor of the rocks, the corporeal reminder that what we carry grows heavy if we don’t set it down for a while. The memorials of what we’ve witnessed and how we’ve grown. The fortitude of how we are strengthened, deepened by the way our callings guide us. Thankful that today’s rock was light and for the ease and brevity her life brought to my death work. It all belongs.