How do we serve the dying who have hurt us?

What if we can heal through death? What if healing can occur as dying unfolds?

I had a difficult relationship with my grandfather that extended into his death. Recently, I had an unexpected after-death conversation with him (in my mind) and he gave me this: People can continue to heal beyond the grave. And he did appear lighter and brighter than he was in life, a spirit finally unsaddled with its burdens. But how do we, those still living beyond the death, find the same healing and hope? Could the dying process offer us that? Could Death serve Life - not just for this Earth or these wild animals and plants and fungi but for us humans too?

Perhaps in honoring our own boundaries and needs FIRST and FULLY, grounded in self-love, we can give care to those who are dying, even those who have hurt us, as a path to healing? From a place of honoring our selves, we can do what we need to honor life, to tend grief, to serve Death? Not from a place of burden, necessity, expectation, shame or guilt but instead from a place where we see the dying process of others as an opportunity to heal ourselves?

If someone abused you beyond your capacity to forgive right now, perhaps Death is offering you the opportunity to say no. Could Death be offering you a chance to put yourself first- to stand up for yourself with your no?

If someone hurt you but you still feel called to give care to them as they die, could Death be offering you the opportunity to heal? As the person who hurt you softens and morphs through the dying process, will you finally be able to see them as the broken human they are instead of the looming want you hold on to?

If someone who abandoned you is dying and you feel called to witness it now, is Death offering the chance to show who you are, who you’ve always been?

I wonder, with awe and curiosity, if Death graciously offers us an opportunity to find healing in life through the dying process. Just as the wildest parts of Earth feast on what is dying, what decays, I wonder if care of our own dying humans can offer us sustenance - if we can be truly rooted in a place of tender care of our selves first.