“The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully” by Frank Ostaseski

Our #deathwork community here on IG loves Stephen Jenkinson’s “Diewise”; I humbly suggest Frank Ostaseski’s “Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully” as an alternative, or at least a companion to Jenkinson’s “Diewise”.

The Five Invitations are precepts that illustrate the heart of Ostaseski’s work as a hospice pioneer. They also reduce a lifetime commitment to Zen Buddhism in a palatable way for the contemporary, secular American, which I greatly enjoyed.

There are many things from this book that I will carry with me in my work as a death midwife: the difference between helping and service, the importance of rest, the foolishness in positing my experience as a “guide” for those nearing end-of-life, the reminders to feel all the big and scary feelings (I’m talking about you, fear!) and moving through them. The stories that Ostaseski recounts for his readers poignantly illustrate the points he makes in ways that are both wise and relatable. Best of all, for me, is that Ostaseski relies upon his quiet service to witnessing death to impart his teachings with compassion, hope and sacredness. Finishing his book feels like having read the journal of a mentor, a fellow midwife to humans at the end-of-life that is as tender and soulful as it is illuminating and instructive.

This book is useful for the death midwife, the caregiver, the grieving, and those of us ready to contemplate our own deaths. There is no academic fortress buttressing Ostaseski’s wisdom, no judgement and criticism of the system’s brokenness, no finger pointing toward our own complicity and no taking the pulpit to lecture into the pews. It is a humble work of sharing, questioning, examining and praising. It is an invitation to do exactly what the title promises: consider what death can teach us about living fully, from a person who is honest and open about his personal and professional journey doing just that.