5 Death Literacy Recommendations from Farewell Library

I love to read all things death and grief. Even more, I love to be in conversation about what I’ve read to bring these books alive. This year, these 5 books have expanded my death midwifery tool kit and the conversations I had with their author’s can deepen yours even more.

The Grieving Brain: the Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss by Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD

Two of my favorite subjects (psychology & grief) are revealed in elegant ways by Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor in her 2022 book, “The Grieving Brain: the Surprising Science of How We Learn From Love and Loss”.

What I love most about this book is that it explains phenomena I’ve observed in myself as a griever - sleeplessness, forgetfulness, inability to read, to name a few. In her warm and approachable voice, Dr. O’Connor simplifies her pioneering research of neuroimaging the brain’s physical components of grief and the grieving process. In particular, I love her approach toward bereavement science using the dual process model of coping; I.e. our everyday experiences ping-pong from loss orientation to restoration orientation. For me, understanding how and why my brain is impacted by loss is key to giving myself the grace to be where I am and the flexibility to move forward when I can.

If you’re looking for a scientific approach to grief and loss to normalize this fundamental human experience, check out this approachable book full of insight, warmth and tender explanations.

Purchase your copy of The Grieving Brain here and listen to my conversation with the author here.

This Party’s Dead: Grief, Joy and Spilled Rum at the World’s Death Festivals by Erica Buist

Have you ever wished death wasn’t so morbid? Or perhaps curious about how death and grief are considered in other cultures? In her newest book, This Party’s Dead. Grief, Joy and Spilled Rum at the World’s Death Festivals, writer and journalist Erica Buist embarks on a worldwide investigation of how different cultures honor their dead and how these traditions ease or compound the death anxiety of the living. Traveling from Mexico to Indonesia (and with five other stops along the way), we learn about the traditions, rituals and icons of other cultures. And being a native New Orleans girl, I especially loved the chapter set in my hometown and the wide range of facts I learned about care of the dead in the Big Easy.

Especially alluring about this book is the author’s irreverent voice. Buist captures the irony and beauty that live side-by-side while sprinkling in some serious social commentary along the way. Her cleverly composed book is part belly-laugh hilarious and part heart wrenching confession of raw grief. All in all, it’s an excellent read, long before the end.

Purchase your copy of This Party’s Dead here and listen to my conversation with the author here.

Gone From My Sight: the Dying Experience by Barbara Karnes, RN

Pioneer Hospice nurse Barbara Karnes remembers when the entire hospice care movement was banging on the door of the modern medical establishment, advocating for better care of people at end-of-life. Today, she is a community educator and matriarch of the holistic death care movement.

Colloquially known as “the little blue book”, Barbara Karnes’ easy to read pamphlet, Gone From My Sight is a godsend for families moving into hospice support. Generally included in enrollment packages from hospices, this tiny book is written in simple language with clear descriptors of what people can expect to see when a person is moving through the dying process. This little blue book has been expanded upon and now Barbara’s publishing house, BK Books, sells coordinating pamphlets in all colors on topics such as grief, pet loss, pain at end of life, and the vigil process. Every family should own a copy of this book and every death worker will likely need 50 (they’re only $4 each), as they’re a beautiful gift to offer those we serve.

Purchase your copy of Gone From My Sight here and listen to my conversation with the author here.

Listen: How to Find the Words for Tender Conversations by Kathryn Mannix, MD

From the bestselling author of With the End in Mind, fans of palliative care physician Kathryn Mannix’s friendly and inviting style are encouraged to explore what it takes to artfully engage in tender conversations on tough topics. Listen is a vulnerable guidebook of Dr. Mannix’s lived experience, from tales of her flubs early in her career, to poignant stories from inside her home and family, Dr. Mannix shares how she came to cultivate the fluency to navigate some of the trickiest subjects.

If you find yourself also in these choppy waters, Dr. Mannix sends you a life raft. If you’re a doula and worry that your craft could be better supported with gentle and clear instructions, then look no further. Ultimately, what’s the secret of communicating well? Let’s cultivate the art of listening.

Purchase your copy of Listen here and listen to my conversation with the author here.

The Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully & Dying Prepared: an Essential Workbook to Help You Reflect Back, Plan Ahead, and Find Peace on Your Journey by Francesca Lynn Arnoldy

One of the first death doula books that I ever bought was by Francesca Lynn Arnoldy, a slim little guide called Cultivating the Doula Heart. It found me at the exact time I needed it, as books often do, a gentle and encouraging introduction into the work of death midwives and doulas. In the six years since, I’ve often noticed how difficult it is to feel confident accompanying those who are approaching end of life. Arnoldy takes a mother’s voice and offers wisdom with a nurturing hand as she softly reminds us that all we really need to undertake this work is to cultivate the the D-O-U-L-A philosophy: “Dedication to presence, Open-mindedness, Understanding with compassion, Listening intently, Allaying distress”.

This same spirit guides her newest book, the self-help workbook The Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared: an Essential Workbook to Help You Reflect Back, Plan Ahead, and Find Peace on Your Journey. In seven parts, Arnoldy invites her reader into a step-by-step guide for end-of-life: orient, prepare, pause and practice, process, projects, planning, and parting. Arnoldy’s guidebook is broad enough to easily apply to each of us, regardless of estimated expiration date, and detailed enough to be truly helpful in detangling the unique thread’s of life's inevitable complications.

Purchase your copy of The Death Doula’s Guide here and listen to my conversation with the author here.